Parents as Teachers

Parents have a vital role in their children’s education. But very few parents know fully well the real nature of their role. The majority of parents give very little thought to a true education to be given to their children. When they have satisfied the material wants of their children, they think that they have fully discharged their duty. When the children reach permissible age, they admit them to a school and entrust the duty of giving them mental education to the teacher. Many parents know that their parents should receive education and try to give it. But very few of them know that the first thing to do in educating the child is “to educate oneself, to become conscious and master oneself so that one does not set a bad example to one’s child.” Parents are generally not aware of the disastrous influence their defects, impulses, weaknesses, want of self-control have on their children. It is well-known that good qualities like honesty, straightforwardness, unselfishness, perseverance, etc. are taught far more effectively by example than by eloquent speeches. Parents should know that cultivation of such qualities is education more than mere acquisition of knowledge.

The Mother (of Sri Aurobindo Ashram) once advised parents as to what they should do to educate their children properly: “Parents, you should have a high ideal and act always in accordance with that ideal. You should see little by little your child reflecting this ideal in himself and manifesting spontaneously the qualities you wish to see expressed in his nature. . . . An affection that sees clear, that is firm yet gentle and a sufficiently practical knowledge will create bonds of trust that are indispensable for you to make the education of your child effective. And never forget that you have to surmount yourself always and constantly so as to be at the height of your task and truly fulfil the duty which you owe to towards your child by the mere fact of your having brought him into existence”(“The Education of a Human Being,” A New Approach to Education, Integral Education Series(Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Society,2002) pp. 6-8).

Parents should allow the child to educate himself and to grow freely. According to Sri Aurobindo “the business of the parent is to enable and help the child to educate himself, to develop his own intellectual, moral, aesthetic and practical capabilities and as an organic being, not to be kneaded and pressured into form like an inert plastic material” (“Education of the Child,” Education and the Growing Child ( Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Society,2002) p.1).

Thus all education begins at home. Parents have to become enlightened citizens themselves to be able to foster their children’s spiritual development. It is not wise on the part of the parents to push their ambition on their children because every child is born with unique potentialities and motivations. “The idea of hammering the child into the shape desired by the parent or teacher” says Sri Aurobindo, “ is a barbarous and ignorant superstition. It is he himself who must be induced to expand in accordance with his own nature” (“Basic Principles of Education”  A New Approach to Education( Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Society,2002) p.2). The role of parents is to give children initial thrust, strength, and training in good habits. Then the children should be allowed to go through experience. They should have freedom of thought and imagination. “Do’s and Don’ts” from parents would create frustrations in them which in turn will create blocks in their mental being. These mental blocks will prevent free growth, setting up inhibitions which will limit their creativity. Sri J. Krishnamurti remarks that “if we regard our children as personal property, if to us they are continuance of our petty selves and fulfillment of our ambitions, then we shall build an environment, a social structure in which there is no love, but only the pursuit of self-centred advantages” (“The School,” Education and the Significance of Life (Chennai: Krishnamurti Foundation India, 2006)p.86.

Parents should be aware of the proper kind of education they should give their children. They may be keen about educating their children; but they are often not concerned about the kind of education that is given. On this subject Sri Sathya Sai Baba once remarked: “Education should make students embodiments of human values such as Truth, Love, Right Conduct, Peace and Non-Violence. Academic knowledge alone is of no great value. It may help one to earn a livelihood. But education should go beyond the preparation for earning a living. It should prepare one for the challenges of life morally and spiritually. It is because human values are absent in ‘educated’ persons that we find them steeped in anxiety and worry” (Sathya Sai Education in Human Values ( Prasanthi Nilayam: Sri Sathya Sai Books and Publications Trust, 2005) p.2).

Parents should take care not to allow any fear to slip in between them and their children for “fear is a disastrous way to education: invariably it gives birth to dissimulation and falsehood”(The Mother, “The Education of a Human Being,”  A New Approach to Education, p. 8). About the adverse consequences of possession of fear, Sri J. Krishnamurti explains: “Fear perverts intelligence and is one of the causes of self-centred action. . . . When we are young, fear is instilled into most of us both at home and at school. Neither parents nor teachers have patience, the time or the wisdom to dispel the instinctive fears of childhood, which, as we grow up, dominate our attitudes and judgement and create a great many problems.” He adds that “the right kind of education must take into consideration this question of fear, because warps our whole outlook on life.” According to him to be without fear is the beginning of wisdom, and only right kind of education can bring about the freedom from fear in which alone there is deep and creative intelligence”(“The Right kind of Education,” Education and the Significance of Life, pp. 34-35)

Rabindranath Tagore always believed that freedom of the mind is essential for its growth and this freedom is provided abundantly by nature. According to him blue sky and air, trees and flowers are indispensable for the proper growth of the body and mind of a child. It is necessary for us to be under the influence of nature when we are young, our minds fresh and vigorous. Hence Tagore insisted that the parents should let the children play under the open sky which is the playground of sunlight and clouds.

Parents should allow the children to read books of their own choice in addition to the prescribed textbooks they must read for their school work. If they are not allowed to do so, as Tagore said, their mental development is likely to be arrested and they may grow into men with the mind of a child. When a child reads for pleasure his capacity for reading increases imperceptibly, and his powers of comprehension, assimilation and retention grow stronger in an easy, and natural manner.

Parents today should realize that their children have to face challenges of the rapidly changing world and should prepare them for that world. As Kireet Joshi observes, “in these difficult times the parents have to build and maintain bonds of trust with children and guide them with love and understanding, with practical dexterity, and with largeness of mind and heart. They have to harmonize the demands of freedom and the demands of self-discipline”